Proud
by crimson chocolate
Summary: After SAINW, Donnie would be mentally tormented by the the horrible events from that alternate dimension. He failed his brothers, Casey and Splinter. But it's that future April that he left all alone that would make him visit the April in present. And she might have a few words for him about this that he didn't know he needed to hear.


Thoughts of his brothers dying in that horrible alternate universe were bad enough, but there would always be more to consider, more tragic happenings in this future that- from his perspective- had only happened because of him.

One day, Donatello would think of April. The one he'd left there with her "hopeful" future. She may be free of the Shredder's tyranny. But she was also alone.

And April, this one bright and young and not scarred from war and loss, would receive a visitor not long after that. It would be the middle of the night in the early hours because he didn't consider anything but the fact that she had to know that he was sorry, that he'd never do something so awful to her intentionally. He would sit on the couch, half out of sorrow and anxiety, half because he's finally realized that this is a terrible hour for a visit.

But April would find him there, still immobile on her couch early in the morning when she woke up to get a glass of water. It would startle her a bit, but she's long since gotten used to ninjas appearing in her home. Though usually they'd call first, especially Donnie.

She'd see his face, though, and instantly know something's wrong. He'd look lost, like a child, afraid as if he's seen a ghost.

"What's wrong Donnie?" She'd ask, sitting next to him when he didn't initially greet her. "Did you have a nightmare?"

And oh it is _glorious_. The idea that all that had happened, the horrible future that he'd experienced was simply a nightmare. That the people he loved hadn't died. That it was just twisted imaginings of his subconscious. But no matter how he wished it to be so, he knew it was not.

"I wish," he would whisper. And April wouldn't know what to do for a moment. Donatello was never this despondent. But she would wrap an arm around him, pulling him close, and while he wouldn't pull away he wouldn't respond either.

"Tell me about it?"

And he would try, after a long minute, his words would come out in a gush. "You know I'd never hurt you right?"

She knows and tells him so.

"I wouldn't! But I did. I left you alone. I left them all alone! And in the end you were the only one left." And April would be startled by the intensity in his voice and tears in his eyes.

"Donnie, I don't know what you're talking about." She'd tell him this as she'd pull him close running a hand over the back of his head gently. And he'd cry quietly into her shoulder for a few minutes.

Then he'd tell her the whole story, pausing only to regain his breath or his voice whenever he'd break into choking sobs.

And at the end, he would feel lighter, but at the same time encompassed in dread. Part of him would expect April to be angry, leaving her with the mess of a future, alone.

But he would not expect the tears that came from April's eyes.

"I'm so proud of you."

Nor would he expect that. He drew away from April.

" _Proud_? Proud of the awful decisions that I made? Proud that I led Raph, Leo, and Mikey to their _deaths_? Proud that that future was all my fault in the first place?" He wouldn't be able to speak for a few minutes, and he'd sit and tremble, tears running through his already soaked mask.

"You saved them, Donnie. You saved me." And he would look at her, anguished and lost, and she'd just smile.

"You gave them hope."

For a moment he stared at her in silence.

"But April they died-"

"And they died heroes. Heroes that knew the plan, yes? Heroes that trusted their brother to get the job done."

"But-"

"You saved the world Donnie. A world that your brothers knew wasn't worth living in any more."

"April-"

"You didn't cause that future. You didn't start that mess. But you finished it. And I'm so proud of you, that you were so strong."

"But April, _they died_." And his voice would be different this time. And April would realize that he understood. Her lesson had hit home. But he was also a child that had lost his brothers. Older, twisted and bitter, but still his brothers. And he was grieving for them.

"Have you told them?" Tears dripping down his face, Don's expression would still change to confusion.

"Have you told Leo and them about this?" She would be expecting an affirmative after which she would instruct him to talk to them all again. His brothers' comfort would definitely speed the healing process.

April would be extremely shocked to hear "No." in a broken whisper.

"You didn't tell them?!"

"How could I? I killed them! Because of me they're dead!"

"But Donnie, _they're not dead_. I know this was real. But it's also in the past. You still have _your_ brothers." And her reason would get through to him, because he'd be a bit more together when he replied.

"I know I need to tell them. When they asked, I avoided a specific answer. But I can't just tell them. I _failed_ them."

"Let them be the judge of that."

Donatello would look at her uncertainly then down at his lap, emotionally exhausted.

"But you know what I think, Donnie?" And he'd look at her again.

"What?"

"I think they'll be proud. And the ones you lost? I think they'd be proud too." April would wrap her arms around him and hold him close again. Donnie's eyes would well up with tears once more, but only a few would be shed. He'd already spilt many this morning.

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A few hours later, when the sun is just beginning to peek over the horizon another turtle would come through the window.

"Morning Leo." April would say quietly from where she would be seated at her kitchen table, and the blue-masked turtle would greet her in kind.

"Donnie," Leo would sigh, relieved, pulling out his shell cell to message the others that their missing brother had been found.

Donnie would be lying on the couch under a blanket, his mask lying across one of the arms, sound asleep.

"Found him in here this morning,"April would say conversationally. And Leo would give her an apologetic smile.

"Donnie's been… out of sorts lately." And April would wonder what Leo thought was wrong with him. Needless to say, she replied.

"I know."

Eyes would widen behind a blue mask. "Did he tell you something?"

Oh Leo. He and probably the others were ridiculously worried at this point. Donnie was probably drifting away from them, drowning in guilt and grief. April could not wait until all of this came to pass.

"Yes. And I expect he'll tell you soon." A myriad of expressions flickered over Leo's face at this response. Confusion, concern, maybe a bit of anger or jealousy- part of him was surely affronted by not being told first of the problem of one of his younger brothers- but the blue-masked turtle simply nodded, going to his sleeping brother's side.

"This is the first time he's slept in days." Leo would comment, looking fondly at Donnie's sleeping face. He would still look exhausted, dark circles under the closed eyes, but he'd also look younger, less strung out by the toils of the day. He stirred, under his oldest brother's gaze, as if he could feel the eyes on him.

A few moments later, dark eyes would blink blearily open. He would spot Leo and immediately sit up, an apology on his lips.

"Hey Donnie, ready to go home." Leo would ask with a gentle smile.

The apology would die before it could be uttered. Donnie would take take the purple mask from his older brother's outstretched hand.

"Yeah, let's go."

April would smile as the two brothers would slip away in the early morning.

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A/N I wrote this entire one-shot in the future conditional tense. Sorry. That's how I write down my plot bunnies. This one just didn't end for a while.


End file.
